he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
