if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
