420 ftw
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
