Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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