So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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