uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
