I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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