Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
