i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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