Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ok first of all what the fuck
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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