How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
