I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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