Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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