I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
