stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
