she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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