Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
