when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
