Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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