this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
