"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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