he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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