Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
