If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
