her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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