Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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