True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
