DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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