Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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