Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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