I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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