somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
