wakey wakey hands off snakey
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
