I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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