Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
