JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
