he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
either way he was missing a nipple.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
