you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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