But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Randomize
