i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
