says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
