I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
