5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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