yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
