Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
