do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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