it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In America we eat man semen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
