It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
