Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
