$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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