Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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