I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
