he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
