Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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