New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
