i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
