I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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