he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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