sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
