the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
