Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
