Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
