We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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