And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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