I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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