She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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