So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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