Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
