do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize