i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
