There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
