And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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