Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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