I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
