I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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