I look better un-naked...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
