Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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