just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
