You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
